CBD oil makes me a better mom. It makes me a better wife. It gives me the ability to function throughout my daily life. I’ve been taking it for over two weeks now, and my only regret is that I didn’t start using it sooner. After taking it the first time, I kept saying that something felt different, off maybe even, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. It was because for the first time in a long time, I realized, I wasn’t panicking. I wasn’t in a state of hyper-vigilance, convinced that anything and everything was just moments from going wrong. And that realization made me want to cry. It’s only gotten better since then.
I’ve always struggled with being anxious, but over the last few years it had gotten to the point that it was crippling. It had started to prevent me from completing even the most basic of tasks, because everything had to be looked at from the angle of preparing for the most devastating possibility of what could happen, no matter how unlikely. My mind was always going at warp speed trying to plan for every possible (or impossible) scenario. I couldn’t pick one task and work it through to the end, because my mind was constantly trying to plan out and analyze every task that I might possibly want to accomplish in the day, week, month, year. And at that point, I felt so mentally exhausted and defeated before I had even done anything that I couldn’t start on anything.
I tried yoga, herbal teas, journaling, art, meditation, devotional books. Nothing helped. I spoke to my doctor about medication, but because of other existing medical issues, they were concerned that the possible side effects could be too dangerous. And since I wasn’t having thought of self-harm, or thoughts of harming others, it was decided it wasn’t worth the risk. So, I went back to trying to struggling through on my own, feeling foolish for asking for help for anxiety that clearly wasn’t “that bad”. It’s not at all what the doctor told me, but that’s what I heard in my mind.
I carried on like this for years. Unable to enjoy family vacations or even simple outings, because I was planning how I could best escape with my boys and any other family and friends around me if there was a shooting or a terrorist attack, or if the train derailed and plummeted to the ground at Disney World, or if the ocean swept my babies away or a shark attacked, or an intruder broke into the house while I was showering while the boys were downstairs, or I had a heart attack while driving on a freeway if I would be able to guide the car safely to the shoulder first and how long it would be before help came. And on and on and on it went. Every. Single. Day.
Then I started to notice a gaining popularity of CBD oil online. I read story after story of how it helped people with issues like mine. I researched the heck out of it, because, well anxiety. I debated for probably a year. I read more stories of how it helped people with anxiety. I sent my husband to a local hemp product retailer with a list of questions along with his own based on his experience in the medical field. I poured over all the information they sent back with him. I grilled him repeatedly, asking for reassurance that he really did believe it would be a good choice to try it out for months longer. Finally, after taking a trip to a local beach as a family and nearly getting physically sick with panic and gripping my seat until my knuckles turned white to keep from crying and screaming for him to stop the car as we crossed over a huge bridge that led to the beach access, which I had crossed over dozens of times before, I gave in and told him I needed to do something.
I can’t express how grateful I am for that little bottle every day now. I can sit on the beach and watch my kids play…and actually enjoy it with them! I can run errands and go to crowded events and not feel overcome with panic. I can walk laps up and down our street, while my kids are inside either asleep or watching TV in the mornings, without a million scenarios of what could go wrong running through my mind. I can sleep at night instead of laying awake, unable to turn my mind off, or waking from a dead sleep in a panic over something completely trivial, or even about scenarios that haven’t even happened. I can go through daily tasks with energy and without feeling overwhelmed.
So, if you’ve been struggling with anxiety like I did, I definitely encourage you to research CBD oil. Find a reputable retailer and ask them every question you have about their products. This is not to say that I am against medications for treating anxiety. I know a lot of people who use them and their lives have changed immensely for the better. But for me, that wasn’t an option. And my anxiety got to the point that simple self-care practices were no longer enough to help me cope. CBD oil has given me relief and hope that life doesn’t have to be filled with dread at the thought of facing each day. It’s helped give me back my joy and my ability to be present in my life, my family, and my work.